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kōtare's avatar

Hahahaha about hors-d'œuvre, I tried it and failed.

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Gloria Horton-Young's avatar

An Accident That Never Ends

——

Okay, so here’s what happened.

I was walking, because of course I was walking—

I walk everywhere, it makes me feel

like a competent person who has their life together,

which, let’s be honest, I absolutely do not.

But I’m walking, and I’m thinking

about something very important,

like whether I should get my hair cut

because it’s been looking a little too “women’s studies professor” lately,

or maybe whether I should finally replace the lightbulb in the kitchen

that’s been out for two weeks because I refuse

to get on a stepladder,

not because I’m afraid of heights but because I don’t

trust myself not to fall

and end up in one of those freak accident obituaries

where people think, “Really? A stepladder? That’s how she went?”

And then—

then—

there’s a car.

Not a dramatic, screeching, movie-moment car,

but just a very ordinary, very beige, very tax-paying-citizen-type car

doing what cars do, which is existing in a place

that I had fully assumed

was only meant for me,

which is a very bad assumption,

as it turns out.

So there’s this moment,

this pause,

this cinematic freeze-frame

where my entire life flashes before my eyes—

and I don’t mean the highlights,

I mean the time I said “You too” to a waiter

who told me to enjoy my meal,

or that disastrous email I sent in 2006

where I used the phrase “circle back”

and have never forgiven myself.

And yet—

the accident never happens.

Or maybe it does, but very slowly,

like an existential fender-bender,

where you’re technically unharmed but still emotionally wrecked,

where you know this moment will linger,

haunt you in grocery store aisles and awkward silences,

remind you that you were here,

on this street,

with this car,

at this hour,

thinking about your stupid hair

instead of the crushing inevitability of mortality.

And the car honks.

And time unsticks itself.

And I step back,

safe, alive,

ready to go home and write about it

instead of doing anything

actually productive.

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